Amy Lynn Chua / b. 1962 / Illinois, USA / Attorney, Legal Scholar, Author
Asian vs. European Culture and Parenting Practices
There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that don’t exist in Asia.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable-even legally actionable-to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, “Hey fatty-lose some weight.” By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of “health” and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self image.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
All decent parents want to do what’s best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Western parents worry a lot about their children’s self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there’s nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn’t.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
All these Western parents with the same party line about what’s good for children and what’s not—I am not sure that they are making choices at all. They just do what every one else does. They are not questioning anything either, which is what Westerners are supposed to be so good at doing. They just keep repeating things like “You have to give your children the freedom to pursue their passion” when it is obvious that the “passion” is just going to be Facebook for ten hours which is a total waste of time and eating all that disgusting junk food. I am telling you, this country is going to go straight downhill.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Chua on Chua
But just because you love something, I added to myself, doesn’t mean you’ll ever be great. Not if you don’t work. Most people stink at the things they love.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Everything I’ve ever done that’s valuable is something I was afraid to try.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
The truth is I’m not good at enjoying life.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Unlike Western parents, reminding my child of Lord Voldemort didn’t bother me.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me “garbage” in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn’t damage my self esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn’t actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage. As an adult, I once did the same thing to [Chua’s daughter] Sophie, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectful toward me. When I mentioned I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
One of my greatest fears is family decline. There’s an old Chinese saying that “prosperity can never last for three generations.”
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
My goal as a parent is to prepare you for the future, not to make you like me.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
My dogs can’t do anything–and what a relief. I don’t make any demands of them, and I don’t try to shape them or their future. For the most part, I trust them to make the right choices for themselves. I always look forward to seeing them, and I love just watching them sleep. What a great relationship.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Philosophy of Life
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery. Those are people who crossed an ocean to come to this country.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Nothing is fun until you’re good at it.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Every day that you don’t practice is a day you’re getting worse.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Be modest, be humble, be simple.Make sure you come in first so that you have something to be humble about.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Never complain or make excuses. If something seems unfair, just prove yourself by working twice as hard and being twice as good.
Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011).
Humans are tribal. We need to belong to groups. We crave bonds and attachments, which is why we love clubs, teams, fraternities, family. Almost no one is a hermit. Even monks and friars belong to orders. But the tribal instinct is not just an instinct to belong. It is also an instinct to exclude.
Amy, Chua, Political Tribes: Group Instinct and the Fate of Nations (2018).
A life that doesn’t include hard-won accomplishment and triumph over obstacles may not be a satisfying one. There is something deeply fulfilling—even thrilling—in doing almost anything difficult extremely well. There is a joy and pride that come from pushing yourself to another level or across a new frontier. A life devoted only to the present—to feeling good in the now—is unlikely to deliver real fulfillment. The present moment by itself it too small, too hollow. We all need a future. Something beyond and greater than our own present gratification, at which to aim or feel we’ve contributed.
Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld, The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits Explain the Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America (2014).
Politics
Today, no group in America feels comfortably dominant. Every group feels attacked, pitted against other groups not just for jobs and spoils but for the right to define the nation’s identity. In these conditions, democracy devolves into zero-sum group competition—pure political tribalism.
Amy, Chua, Political Tribes: Group Instinct and the Fate of Nations (2018).
America’s continued existence as a super-group is under tremendous strain today. America is beginning to display destructive political dynamics much more typical of developing and non-Western countries: ethnonationalist movements; backlash by elites against the masses; popular backlash against both “the establishment” and “outsider minorities” viewed as disproportionately powerful; and, above all, the transformation of democracy into an engine of zero-sum political tribalism.
Amy, Chua, Political Tribes: Group Instinct and the Fate of Nations (2018).
When groups feel threatened, they retreat into tribalism. They close ranks and become more insular, more defensive, more punitive, more us-versus-them. In America today, every group feels this way to some extent. Whites and blacks, Latinos and Asians, men and women, Christians, Jews, and Muslims, straight people and gay people, liberals and conservatives—all feel their groups are being attacked, bullied, persecuted, discriminated against. Of course, one group’s claims to feeling threatened and voiceless are often met by another group’s derision because it discounts their own feelings of persecution—but such is political tribalism.
Amy, Chua, Political Tribes: Group Instinct and the Fate of Nations (2018).